Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
