if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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