So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
