i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
