for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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