So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
