I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize