i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
