So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
