HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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