But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How does one acquire holy water?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize