you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
