We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
