I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
