Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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