it was like eating out sand paper
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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