i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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