girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
