My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
