you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
