Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
