In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
