if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
