i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We need to get me chipped asap
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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