You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
