In the future we'll all be gay
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
