So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The ass gains better be worth it
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