So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
