somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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