what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
