Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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