girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
