Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize