Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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