Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
