yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will be naked everywhere
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize