just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
