Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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