My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
