O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
