Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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