The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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