So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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