dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize