sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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