omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
where are my eyebrows?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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