cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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