I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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