I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
