so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
