Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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