So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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