she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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