I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
