Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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