i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
