Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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