I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
