i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
