Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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