How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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