she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize