you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
