If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
