So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
