That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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