i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
