Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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