here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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