so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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