and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
