I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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