So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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