We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
