So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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