yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
