I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize