I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
