Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize