Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
