I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
