I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
