Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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