Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
