I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
