Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize