I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
