Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
